Date: 2025-05-22
AO: ao-the-bluff
Q: Wax On
PAX: Dovetail, Squash (Donn Hines), Wheelie
FNGs: None
COUNT: 5
WARM-UP (5 min)
SSH – 20 ICish
Imperial Walkers – 15 IC
Arm Circles / Shoulder Rolls – 10 each direction
Windmills – 10 IC

The War of the Roses, a brutal civil war between the houses of Lancaster (Red Rose) and York (White Rose) in 15th century England, both of which had a legitimate claim to the empty throne.

THANG 1
Battle Stations (rotate – overtake people, fight for the gear, no rules, this is war and war breeds chaos) 20 min: 1. Tower of London – 10 burpee box jumps (or burpees + jump onto curb/step) 2. Battle of Towton – 25 merkins (the bloodiest battle)
3. Arrowstorm – 20 shoulder tap planks per side
4. Crown Breakers – 10 blockies (burpees with cinder block)
5. Bloody Betrayal – 20 jump squats (simulate ambush)
6. Castle Walls – 30-second wall sit (hold defense)
7. Swords & Shields – 20 curls and 20 overhead presses (w/ 35lb plate)
Using set reps instead of time for rotation caused a fair number of overlaps. Wheelie was unwilling to challenge Squash (Donn Hines) for the step up block and simply rerouted to a curb, while Dovetail and I shared a blockie block, though he did claim that his 30 second wall sit was faster than mine and therefore superior.

Thang 2
THE BETRAYAL ROUND (10 min)
Each Pax pairs with an “ally.” Do a partner exercise together—then face off in a 1v1 challenge where only one earns the crown. Partner Exercises (1 min each):
– Partner Leg Throws (abs)
– Wheelbarrow Merkins
– Partner Squats (hold hands, lean back, squat together)
– Plank high-fives
Betrayal Challenges (30 sec each):
Sprint race
Merkin contest (max reps)
Hold plank – last to drop wins
Rock/paper/scissors – loser does 10 burpees
I chose to skip this section for time, and because I honestly didn’t have much left in the tank after the shoulder gauntlet, but am including it here in case others want to use it for future workout ideas.

Thang 3
FINAL BATTLE – BOSWORTH FIELD (8 min)
This is the final battle of the war where King Richard III had his horse killed out from under him, and famously remarked “My kingdom for a horse” as he found himself beset by enemies with no way to escape.

All Pax participate in a last-man-standing grinder.
5 burpees
10 lunges (each leg)
15 merkins
20 squats
25 LBCs
Sprint to other side of field
Repeat until time is up

This workout was a brutal slog that was tough on the body and mind, so I feel like it was a fitting tribute to the War of the Roses which started on May 22 of 1455.

The conflict ended when Henry Tudor of the Lancasters defeated Richard III at the Battle of Bosworth and united the houses by marring Elizabeth of York, founding the Tudor dynasty, which reigned for 118 years. Their symbol was a small white rose inscribed inside a larger red rose.

And like any battle, sometimes your troops don’t show up, even when they promise to be present on the field of battle. cough CareBear cough

COT happened.

Sign up to Q so I stop coming up with these ideas that look fun on paper then proceed to destroy my body and soul in practice.

Tags: ao-the-bluff, Dovetail, Squash (Donn Hines), Wheelie